The real 'Veer' - the audience! - A Review

You must be wondering why I chose to trash this movie now, when so many trashy ones have released (Teen Patti you are next on my hit list) since Salman Khan made a public spectacle in this debacle...wow it rhymes! Well, I was dying to vent out and since all my friends suddenly vanished into thin air even before I could 'VEER', I decided to write a blog! Well, the movie revolves around some kingdom that belongs to some barbaric tribe (the name of which I cannot recall...not that it matters anyway). This kingdom is snatched by Mr. Golden Hand (Jackie Shroff who wears a forearm made of pure gold...not that this information matters anyway). Long hair, droopy eyes - a testimony to the fact that Mr. Khan had a peg too much last night , Salman Khan sleepwalks to London in a steamer, kills Zarine Khan's brother (She is the heroine by the way...not that it matters anyway) and casually sleepwalks back to India. There are some gory fights, blood curdling screams and every time Salman raises his sword to say 'Mere dadda ki talwar...something something..' you shut your ears and eyes and wait for the nausea to pass. Soon more fights, galloping horses, and gallons of blood later, Salman Khan finally dies. (I know this is a spoiler....but you are not going to watch the movie anyway!)Baby Salman arrives on the screen with 'dadda' Mithun and granny Neena Gupta. Mommie dearest Zarine Khan is conspicuous by her absence. Thankfully, mercifully, as a testimony to the fact that there exists a God, the movie finally ENDS!

Prescriptions from Dr. MovieManiac:
Salman Khan -
Get Botox treatment for your under eye puffiness ASAP
Epic dramas are not your forte - mindless flicks are. So steer clear of the former.

Zarine Khan-
Get the permanent grin / grimace off your face. Try varied expressions, e.g. a smile to show you are happy, a scorn to show anger, tears to show sadness..I hope you get the drift.
Better still, quit films.

At the end of the movie I gave an accusing stare to my husband, who returned the gesture. "You suggested the movie!" he quoted. "Well you said the promos look promising", I retorted back with disdain. Now, after reading this review you surely don't blame us for bickering, do you?